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Oxford evolutionary psychologist, Professor Robin Dunbar, discovered that the human brain is wired to comfortably maintain social relationships with on average 148 people at any given time. Beyond this threshold, connections weaken, intimacy dissolves, and we lose the cognitive capacity to track who owes us a favor, whose birthday is coming up, or who’s even important in our lives. This isn’t a soft estimate; it’s rooted in the neocortex size of primates, which dictates their social group limits. Humans? Our cognitive capacity tops out at 148.

This number isn’t arbitrary. It’s been corroborated in human history, from the size of ancient hunter-gatherer tribes to modern organizations.

Why Should You Care?

In the digital age, many of us boast of having thousands of Facebook friends, LinkedIn connections, or Instagram followers. But Dunbar’s research shows that no matter how big your social media circle, you’re still only truly connected to 148 people. The others? They’re on the periphery—like faces in a crowd. Social media may give the illusion of limitless connections, but it cannot change your brain’s fundamental wiring.

This raises some big questions about how we spend our time and energy. Are you focusing on nurturing your inner circle—the people who actually matter most? Or are you diluting your efforts across a vast network of weak ties, chasing a connection count that your brain is biologically incapable of maintaining?

The Neuroscience of Connection

The science behind Dunbar’s Number is nothing short of remarkable. Humans evolved to thrive in social groups where trust and cooperation were paramount for survival. Maintaining meaningful relationships requires a significant amount of cognitive and emotional energy—remembering details about people’s lives, shared experiences, and maintaining regular contact. The neocortex, the part of our brain responsible for higher-order thinking and social behavior, sets the upper limit of how much social complexity we can manage.

To put it another way: every relationship you have comes with a cost. There’s only so much time and mental bandwidth you can allocate to your social connections. This is why it’s often easier to keep in touch with a small group of close friends rather than trying to “stay in the loop” with hundreds.

The Bigger Picture

Dunbar’s Number doesn’t just explain the structure of your social life; it also challenges our modern obsession with scaling everything. Bigger isn’t always better. More connections don’t always mean more value. And chasing “infinite” networks often comes at the cost of the depth and intimacy that make human relationships so fulfilling.

What if, instead of striving for breadth, you strived for depth? What if you prioritized nurturing a smaller number of meaningful connections rather than trying to keep up with everyone you’ve ever met? The beauty of Dunbar’s Number lies in its simplicity—it gives us permission to let go of the noise and focus on what truly matters.

A Final Thought

When you next glance at your overflowing inbox, scrolling social feeds, or holiday card list, remember: you’re not wired to be friends with everyone. And that’s okay. Instead, embrace the elegance of Dunbar’s Number. Use it as a guide to simplify your relationships, prioritize your energy, and build a life rich with deep, meaningful connections. After all, in a world that constantly pushes us to do more, sometimes the smartest thing is knowing when to stop.